APRIL 19 -- Some folks might not be ready to celebrate another “Day” while still recovering from the 3,000 greasy calories that were piled up while participating in Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day last week.
Earth Day is on the horizon, and everyone needs to rally to the cause like red-blooded Americans and celebrate and participate in the “Day” set aside to honor our one-and-only Earth.
It’s as serious as a cheese-induced heart attack “Day,” in other words.
Indeed, Earth Day is not some weak step-sister to real holidays, such as Washington’s birthday, which is the day he was actually born. What? You thought it was a lucky mystery of the universe that George Washington and Abraham Lincoln were both born on the third Monday of February? Well, real Americans know when George and Abe were born, and out of patriotism, refuse to work while celebrating on Feb. 12 (Abe) and Feb. 22 (George).
And when were “Fathers” and “Mothers” born? Those are the most egregious examples of “Days” that are merely commercial creations foisted off on the masses by our nation’s nefarious marketing machinery in an effort to extract ransom, or at least a cheap card, from out of the “kids.”
Memorial Day and Labor Day? Nothing more in the popular mind than three-day road trips to mark the start and end of summer.
Columbus Day? More like a random three-day national Indian-Italian screamfest over who “found” whom first and where pizza really comes from.
There are no such calendar shenanigans when it comes to Earth Day. It started on April 22, 1970, and it’s always on April 22.
That’s because Earth Day’s rebellious founder (a U.S. Senator) didn’t fall prey to the whole “fake holiday” calendar maneuvers that would have made Earth Day a three-day weekend just to give the masses the illusion they can get a break from the soul-sucking machine that is modern capitalistic consumerism. And it worked. Earth Day, unlike, say, Groundhog Day, is the largest worldwide, one-day “Day” ever.
The downside of that idealistic stance is that you have to take time off work to buy your Earth Day T-shirt, bumper sticker, coffee mug or poster (printed with soy ink on 100 percent post-consumer recycled paper, of course).
On Earth Day, try to save some energy and water, eat a sandwich made of locally sourced goat cheese (remind you of another “Day”?), recycle, reduce your carbon footprint for one stinking little day, or plant a tree (actually, do that on April 25, Arbor Day, Earth Day’s predecessor that shouldn’t be tossed into the compost heap of history).
Or, at the very least do what most red-blooded Americans do when it comes to taking a firm, even defiant stand on one of the most crucial and critical issues of the day, or in the case of Earth Day, a whole range of issues and problems and challenges that will define our lives and our children’s lives.
They buy the T-shirt and forget about it for another year.
(Jon Klusmire of Bishop is considering not buying the T-shirt and actually doing something for Earth Day.)