After watching in silence for the last month, it is now OK to ask, “How are the New Year’s Resolutions coming along?”
Usually, there was more “resolution” than “resolve,” and things have been trending downward since, oh, about Jan. 10. For example, that vow to your partner/spouse to focus 100 percent on what they are saying has slowly slipped into a half-hearted promise to listen once you put the TV on mute during a commercial. Resolutions involving the battle of the belly bulge have been in a slow retreat, one french fry at a time, and will be fully vanquished under the assault of Valentine’s Day candy.
Instead of throwing in the gym towel, simply make a few realistic adjustments. Now that you’ve missed the mark, there’s no shame in reloading and lowering your sights to hit a goal you can achieve.
Instead of resolving to exercise until you have a set of “washboard abs,” go for being able to stand up straight, look down and see not just the tips of your shoes, but some shoelaces, too.
Did you really pledge to get in shape so you can run a 5K or 10K race? That’s a bit much, don’t you think? Remember, you have to walk before you can run. So a more realistic resolution is to walk briskly down the driveway to the mailbox, then work up to where you can actually jog down the driveway and get the mail.
Many people toast the New Year with a solemn oath to drink less booze, starting on Jan. 1, of course. That’s a lot to swallow. How about this: Start by not drinking at lunch. That will probably also help with the resolution to stop falling asleep in the afternoon. Three days a week. At work.
For those who vowed to lose weight, there is wonderful news, which I heard while waiting for a commercial so I could mute the TV. If you turn down the heat in your house, you will burn calories by shivering. Really. It was on TV. But since you have to eat, try for moderation and small victories, not total war. Thus, always put lettuce and tomato on your hamburger. Then there’s my favorite, the Rotation Diet: a tofu dinner one night, then prime rib the next; salad on Tuesday, a pizza Wednesday; a meal of fresh veggies earns you a Macho Burrito, but you still have to put lettuce on top.
OK, back to the listening business. Instead of making heartfelt promises to your partner/spouse to listen intently and share your feelings and validate each other’s pain and feelings, and have feelings, and feel good about sharing your innermost wishes, dreams and fears, just try to keep from laughing out loud when you hear all that “stuff.”
Finally, to prove that I can walk the walk, I am going to walk to the fridge and get my lunch, which consists of a lovely apple turnover and hearty piece of apple cinnamon crumb cake, so I can keep my New Year’s resolution … to eat more apples.
(Jon Klusmire of Bishop resolves to remain unclear on the concept in 2014.)