Some of you might think the only fun, educational items on the Internet are pictures of cats.
Not so. Right behind cats, the next biggest category of âstuffâ on the Internet is advice about various topics and trends you probably didnât know you needed help dealing with, and the always popular âstrange news.â I spent a few hours last weekend cruising through various sites on the Interweb, and found the following random bits of advice, counsel and oddities.
â˘ âWorst States for Retirees.â Those would be the state of denial about getting older and the state of confusion that comes with getting older.
â˘ âMarijuana Will Be the Single Best Investment Idea of the Next Decade.â Coming in a close second will be Betty Crocker Brownie Mix and Cheetos.
â˘ âRevamp Your Bathroom in 10 Easy Steps.â Step 1: hire a contractor. Steps 2 through 10: go on vacation.
â˘ âUpside Down Shower: Ground Up Design for Decks and Yards.â A cheap excuse for showing photos of tanned, trim and fit folks frolicking around outside in skimpy swimming suits.
â˘ âSeven Reasons Why Happy Wives Have Happy Husbands.â Reasons 1 through 7: He does everything she says with joy in his heart, a skip in his step, and a smile on his face.
â˘ âMy Kidâs School Banned Cupcakes. So What?â Never could figure out how to make tasty cupcakes, eh?
â˘ âMan Declared Dead Wakes Up in Body Bag.â Must have heard that semi-naked people were taking showers on his lawn.
â˘ âDenver Art Museum Makes Good on Superbowl Bet.â They are sending âThe Bronco Buster,â a Fredrick Remington bronze statue, to Seattle, where it will rust. Duh. What did Seattle bet? A moldy raincoat and a depressing painting of clouds? Umm, yes, thereâs still a bit of residual anger over that Superbowl Bronco Busting.
â˘ âUniversity of Utah Police Knock Down Pot Igloo.â No, it wasnât an igloo made of pot, it was a snow and ice structure where students were smoking pot. And trying to buy stock in Betty Crocker Brownie Mix over the Internet.
â˘ âThe Must-Know Trick for Poached Eggs.â Donât eat them.
â˘ âWhat the Happiest Couples Do Before Breakfast.â If it doesnât include brushing their teeth, we donât want to know.
â˘ âNine New Ways to Use Your Cupcake Pan.â Since you canât make cupcakes for school, maybe you can use it to scoop up snow for an igloo.
â˘ âHedonistic Fury Awaits as Rio Gears Up for Carnival.â Once again, nothing but an excuse to run photos of sort-of-nude people, this time they are in costumes. Skimpy little costumes. Exotic, skimpy little costumes. Did you get the sort-of-nude part?
â˘ âGreat Ideas for Shelves.â Thereâs more than putting stuff on them?
âThe 8 Biggest Belly Bloaters.â How about 7 Betty Crocker Brownies and 1 bag of Cheetos.
â˘ âHow to Take Risks with Paint.â Change the color and donât tell the wife.
â˘ âThese Spices Make You Slimmer, Smarter, Happier.â So thereâs no excuse for being fat, dumb and sad.
(Jon Klusmire of Bishop would rather give advice than take it.)