Some of you might think the only fun, educational items on the Internet are pictures of cats.
Not so. Right behind cats, the next biggest category of â€śstuffâ€ť on the Internet is advice about various topics and trends you probably didnâ€™t know you needed help dealing with, and the always popular â€śstrange news.â€ť I spent a few hours last weekend cruising through various sites on the Interweb, and found the following random bits of advice, counsel and oddities.
â€˘ â€śWorst States for Retirees.â€ť Those would be the state of denial about getting older and the state of confusion that comes with getting older.
â€˘ â€śMarijuana Will Be the Single Best Investment Idea of the Next Decade.â€ť Coming in a close second will be Betty Crocker Brownie Mix and Cheetos.
â€˘ â€śRevamp Your Bathroom in 10 Easy Steps.â€ť Step 1: hire a contractor. Steps 2 through 10: go on vacation.
â€˘ â€śUpside Down Shower: Ground Up Design for Decks and Yards.â€ť A cheap excuse for showing photos of tanned, trim and fit folks frolicking around outside in skimpy swimming suits.
â€˘ â€śSeven Reasons Why Happy Wives Have Happy Husbands.â€ť Reasons 1 through 7: He does everything she says with joy in his heart, a skip in his step, and a smile on his face.
â€˘ â€śMy Kidâ€™s School Banned Cupcakes. So What?â€ť Never could figure out how to make tasty cupcakes, eh?
â€˘ â€śMan Declared Dead Wakes Up in Body Bag.â€ť Must have heard that semi-naked people were taking showers on his lawn.
â€˘ â€śDenver Art Museum Makes Good on Superbowl Bet.â€ť They are sending â€śThe Bronco Buster,â€ť a Fredrick Remington bronze statue, to Seattle, where it will rust. Duh. What did Seattle bet? A moldy raincoat and a depressing painting of clouds? Umm, yes, thereâ€™s still a bit of residual anger over that Superbowl Bronco Busting.
â€˘ â€śUniversity of Utah Police Knock Down Pot Igloo.â€ť No, it wasnâ€™t an igloo made of pot, it was a snow and ice structure where students were smoking pot. And trying to buy stock in Betty Crocker Brownie Mix over the Internet.
â€˘ â€śThe Must-Know Trick for Poached Eggs.â€ť Donâ€™t eat them.
â€˘ â€śWhat the Happiest Couples Do Before Breakfast.â€ť If it doesnâ€™t include brushing their teeth, we donâ€™t want to know.
â€˘ â€śNine New Ways to Use Your Cupcake Pan.â€ť Since you canâ€™t make cupcakes for school, maybe you can use it to scoop up snow for an igloo.
â€˘ â€śHedonistic Fury Awaits as Rio Gears Up for Carnival.â€ť Once again, nothing but an excuse to run photos of sort-of-nude people, this time they are in costumes. Skimpy little costumes. Exotic, skimpy little costumes. Did you get the sort-of-nude part?
â€˘ â€śGreat Ideas for Shelves.â€ť Thereâ€™s more than putting stuff on them?
â€śThe 8 Biggest Belly Bloaters.â€ť How about 7 Betty Crocker Brownies and 1 bag of Cheetos.
â€˘ â€śHow to Take Risks with Paint.â€ť Change the color and donâ€™t tell the wife.
â€˘ â€śThese Spices Make You Slimmer, Smarter, Happier.â€ť So thereâ€™s no excuse for being fat, dumb and sad.
(Jon Klusmire of Bishop would rather give advice than take it.)